That is fucking old though. And then I was just in a conversation with a bunch of girls, and one of them was like, Fucking hell, the male ego is so fragile! And I was like, no, its not! Its one of the first things I did. I thought I felt one. Mm-hmm. And shes done that on three separate occasions. If Im at dinner with any of my vegan friends, I will order the bloodiest thing on themenu, and then spend the next three minutes giving it a backstory. You just dont love them anymore. That cunts gonna live forever. Almost bringing that perfect centre piece is sitting in this guy is hoarse from cake. Jigsaw 60m Sloss tackles dad jokes, vegans, parenting, puzzling relationship patterns and the thankless task of gravesite maintenance in this love-themed special. Theyll just be sat there drinking cocktails, talking about science hashtag feminism. Oh, youre driving? Do I waste the rest of my life? I love watching women compliment each other. And thats not my way of saying you shouldnt go to the police. Pollack, thank you so much for thiswonderful, wonderful exhibit. Yes, a terrible one. I know that, darling, because I used to be like you. Im not hereto break up true love. What older opinion can I interest you in? Im 26. But you do it cause youre in love and youre interested, and maybe for the firstcouple years, its great. What are you up to? Be the beginning, daniel sloss used to tell you said you garbage again, so much Does it not just warm your cockles? November 22nd last year, Queens Arm pub in Edinburgh. When I say bullying, I do not mean in any way, shape, or form, bullying someone society deems weaker or less than you, and I especially dont mean ganging up on somebody you hate or dislike. My initial reaction wasnt a fucking strong one. Teammates in the And I really I never thought Id drink ordo drugs, I really didnt. You must have scared it off. Oh, ho-ho-ho. But I also havent consciously updated my opinion of myself playing football since I was 15 years old. So the best way to do a jigsaw, when you dont have the image to work off, is to start from the outside, the sides and the four corners. I also hate saying goodbye to her, cause it makes her sad and I dont like seeing her sad. This is what he said, right? If there was ever a time to hunter-gatherer, its fucking now. If in the next couple of weeks or months, you and your partner if you end up breaking up, and its because of anything I said during the show, like, if that jigsaw analogy just plays over and over and over again in your head, which it should because its fucking excellent. If youre anything like me, which Im going to assume most of you are since this is how you choose to spend your time youre quite a nice person consciously. Im just just looking for an old opinion of mine. Ive not fucked my dad in years. Aye, you do. Theres sprinkles. For the first time in my life, I was fucking sad. Youre not our friend anymore. How about that? She doesnt know what shes doing. I have three younger siblings, Ive got nine younger cousins. If one of them goes away, thats a bit sad, but I can replace it. Neighbors are starting to complain.. Oh, well move pieces out the way, I dont need this hobby, I dont need this opinion. And by research, I mean staring at women going to the toilets. No! If you are not with someone, you are not whole., And thats not just something my dad made me feel, thats something that we as a society have made every single child bornin the last 40 years feel. It was We decided to do what we thought was right. If all youve done in your life is get fired from McDonalds for spitting on your first burger, congratulations. He was like, Yeah, it was, right? I didnt know youd hidden the thing. Thats why the older we get, the more stubborn we are to new ideas and new ways of life. And Im like, that is absolutely riveting, Nigel. Id fucking kill for that job. Theyre very needy, the dead. If you dont love 100% of who I am, theres 7. Like, Im not going to pretend to know what youre going through. I am not saying its impossible to findlove. Jigsaw was recorded for Netflix in 2018 and shows Sloss talking about the idea of romantic . She might be at work, she might be dead. And I know therell be parents in the room, theyll be like, Oh, Daniel, all kids are stupid. Oh, I know they are. And the reason it scared me is just because, like, the vagina is just way, way, way, lower than I had anticipated because Cause its, its fucking its right under there. For the duration of the game. If you do know the answer to the question, Ill look like a fucking moron. My dad is adorably smitten by my mom. Funny monster, actual monster. So, maybe we can use it to our advantage. Ooh, ah! I will not be happy until you and yourkind die of irony. I believe and deep down I know that most men are good. And hes still out there. Im seven years old. I dont need to water it. How are you? I mean bullying your friends. For the first time on stage, I spoke about my sister Josie. Trust that my hearts in the right place. Cause after three months, thats when you realize that nobody else is a jigsaw piece. Im not like this in real life. And, oh, my ovaries exploded. Oh, my poor explody ovaries have done a9/11in my belly. I get those exact same emotions, but Im not allowed to express them in that way. Im nice to them now but, you know, Ive just never learned how to be nice to boys. My parents will say the most horrific things at the most inappropriate times. She would find people I loved and trusted more than her and then turn me on them so that she was the center of my life. As if grief negates grief as opposed to compounding it.". All I ask is that if you are offended by one joke, could you just have the common fuckingdecency to be offended by the rest of them? So Eventually they had sex, and I was happy for them. And youre not really allowed to do that as a man. Okay? No? All she knows is that I am crying with laughter. Photograph Courtesy HBO. He was like, Dont fucking condescend to me. Im very aware they were just jokes. Why dont you speak when spoken to? For example, if were going out and you dont love the fact that once a month I shave my asshole cause I find it easier to wipe and then you dont love me. And if Im being honest with you, I dont really have any other struggles. Well I mean, dont get me wrong, on a technicality, I am technically chasing them round a park while they scream and beg me to stop. Germany put up more arms than you did. Hey. I swear Right. It might be piss, but none of us care at this point. Like Next time youre with one of your guy friends, if you want to fuck up his whole afternoon, like really throw him into disarray, look him dead in the eyes and tell him that you love him. Youre clumping bits of the rug together, this bit isalways going to smell like peanut butter. I want you to go upstairs, give that cucumber back to your gay brother and lethim use it the way God intended!. The Breakup TaIly Latest tally sinc this post: Brakups - 5000; Cancelled engagements - 22; Divorces - 30. Jesus Christ, I didnt And then very secretly and very privately, we all went upstairs to visit our very own Nigels to run a quick background check on ourselves. Its stupid, and youre wrong. absolutely no is the suit opens up and chive on the series in. And she was like, Now you know how I feel. And I was like, whoa, Ill just get back into my place. everyone elses individual life. Way too much about daniel jigsaw: how to help. We just called it being sad, and we got on with our days. All right, cool, thats a medical misdiagnosis. Its hard, but you have to be able to do it. I understand there will be a lot of slightly older people in the audience listening to a 26-year-old talk abouthis opinions onlove, relationships, whatnot, and youre probably sat there going, Daniel, youre so young. Like, its really sickening. It has been work, but we loved each other so wedid work it, because thats what you got wrong there, Daniel. And I am working on it. I think its called toxic masculinity. Like, you can ruin any mans day with emotions and its the most fun youll ever have. Apr 24, 2019 - Daniel Sloss's JigsawDaniel Sloss's Jigsaw live one-man comedy show has taken the world by storm. Some of you still dont trust me. Nick, can I ask you a question? Theyll say things like, What about men? You gotta decide then: Do I want more me time or do I want more work time? Couple months ago in our group, one of our closest friends, his dog died, which is obviously devastating. And heres why. I know, its awful. Strap in, uh Those of you that dont know, men, uh, the Moon Cup is, its a small silicon menstrual cup and its a reusable form of sanitary product. How do you stop this? No, Ive never thought that. Of course Ive never thought that. Really? Nigel, I cant have that be my opinion on that. That is your right. Boredom, lost a bet, won a bet, order a Dominos, see if you can beat it to the front door. I dont trust people that deny adamantly, like, No! Thats the only way youll stop being ignorant. Raven sees her Like I fucked up quite substantially. A lot of the time most things sound fine in your head, but when you say them out loud for the first time, youre like, aah, fuck! These are the ovaries. Listen, if I ever see the ovaries, Ive fucked up. For three months. tetanizing his perihelions unconfusedly and formally. Whats up? Falling in glenrothes, sloss works on subjects as the idea of the, opinion. Theyre trying to make you, the individual, laugh in your moment of sadness so just for the briefest of seconds, you have a minor moment of rest by where you forget how shit things are and you get to have a giggle with yourself. Youre still wrong, but thanks. Theyll just say things that arent even hateful, theyre just, Blah. Watch. Everyday sexism. Heres why me, a man, would assume that it might feel good to shove something up your pussy. Hey, Mark, I love you. Youll fucking see. And she said no, which makes me question her commitment. Love em. Filmed at the Paramount Theatre, Austin Texas, 29 June 2019 That is disgusting. This is where he's at right now and thank Daniel Sloss: X This is "Daniel Sloss - Jigsaw (best part)" by Mark Medaugh on Vimeo, the home for high quality videos and the people who love them. So, whenever I do, I spoil her just so she still loves me. I was used to just telling fucking wank jokes in the bottom of pubs, right? No, its not for me. Scientifically, it is. And nobody has ever been able to rationally explain to me why. But As a man, talking openly about something Ive never spoken openly about before, rape, my understanding of it went through the roof. I sat him down and I stared in his eyes the entire time during the confrontation. On to your underwear, correct. Like, Im quite a confident person, and I always thought that was quite a fucking strong thing that I was secure in. Her version of the jigsaw analogy was she wanted to do everything within her power to destroy my jigsaw puzzle, so that the only one I had left to play with was hers. Like, you cant. The caveman in my brain was like, Shall I take over? And I was like, 100 %. From the bottom of my heart, I believe that 80% of relationships in the world, and therefore this room, are horseshit. Some kids in Colombia are doing it, and Imsure theyre being paid fairly. You wouldnt eat meat if you had to kill it yourself. You dont know me. Ive done it so many times, every time Im in arelationship, of course I do it. Im a genius. I thinksex educationneeds to be improved, and I think it needs to be made compulsory around the world. But theres nothing wrong with you. Avas the best, man. How does society how do we fix this? This is daniel sloss jigsaw by mehmet safa ertekin on vimeo, the home for high quality videos and the people who love them. Review of The Jigsaw Analogy by Daniel Sloss - DU Beat Daniel Sloss, Jigsaw (2018) Full Transcript Likeville The Jigsaw. And I get that. Whats the secret to a long and successful relationship? Here it is, gather around, come on: Fucking nothing. It should be as easy as breathing. I think just a lot of the time I havent consciously updated all of my opinions yet. If I ever see the ovaries, I can assure you, Im not going to be like, well, those are your ovaries. One, hes white. 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